Monday, December 29, 2008

Summer of Love; ugh.

So apparently i'm very angsty, and have resolved to start this blog.

the first topic i wish to tackle is; why are the customers at wendys so difficult.

I've been working alot in the past few weeks, graveyard shifts at $6 and hour, as you do, and i've discovered an alarming link between ice cream and disgustingly flourishing love. It seems when one falls inlove they immediately begin to frequent Wendys, some weird psychological glitch thast says, 'heres something romantic! i'll impress her/him by eating some icecream!'

Exhibit A:
Lets call them Sarah and James. James and Sarah arrive at the counters, hands entwined and deciding on an order. After much giggling and intense physical contact, Sarah says to James, "ok babe, let's get the Mega Choc Shake', James doesnt pay much attention, he's staring unashamedly at her lips and after mumbling a semi-coherent respone like 'huh, yeah... ok' i'm hailed over like a waitress, forced to stop midway through filling the milktanks, thus letting it splash all over me and leaving me looking like ive pissed my pants and dripping a suspiscious white substance.

I walk over to Sarah and JAmes, greet them with my classic Wendys smile, offer them a generic 'Hi how are you' and wait idly for them to stop making out, James finally pipes "a large chocolate mega shake thanks.' I ignore his flustered appearance and hurry to get the job done. They share a series of intimate touches whilst i blend their shake add the icecream, sprinkle the topping, and by the time ive come over they have greatfully, succesfully detached.

This is where my heartstrings start to thrum and nostalgic notions of past relationships flit into my head; its not fair. Sarah inspects the shake and observes that something is missing. "can i have another straw?" she pipes. Oh i know where this is going.

'Sorry we have a one straw per drink policy, if you want another straw, buy another drink bitch' i want to say. My stingy asian (no offence to any asians, its just this guy) boss stands behind me waiting for me to respond with flawless wendys style. 'Sure' I offer them the straw and watch them stroll over to the tables and sit. I continue on with my cleaning, restore whats left of my dignity by cleaning the milkstain on my shorts and when i come to the counter again i see them spoon feeding each other bits of chocolate. Meningacoccal for christmas anyone?

I scrub the already clean counter bitterly and stare daggers their way. they dont notice. Once theyve done with their little 'here comes the aeroplane' show i have to go out with my flattering mop and bucket and scrub down the tables and chair - even the floor, apparently 'i'll just miss your mouth get the ice cream all over the table and floor, but lick it all off your face' was the common technique here.

So if your heading out for a snack with your lover this summer, save an bitter cat lady the trauma and go to gelatissimo :p

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